Friday, January 16, 2009


I wonder if you can sit on this thing? Imagine! Hmmm.

I was looking for a video of a song called "vibrating, by Robyn Hitchcock, but the only one online was really poor this is what you are stuck with...a woman on a vibrating exercise machine...funny though I am almost vibrating as much as she is...maybe I will lose weight? Do these things really work?

Picture a tall blonde bouncing off the walls and you are seeing me as I am right now. Ohh God...I am literally vibrating! (...get your minds out of the gutter;>) I slept a bit last night, but still far less than I need to and was awake much of the night despite having increased my Tegretol. By the middle of the night I had to take some Trazadone to try to help me sleep because I was tapping and singing and humming when I needed to sleep. The energy I have inside me is over the top. If I could bottle it and use it for electricity I might be able to power my whole house with it...for weeks.

I love having energy, but I am also feeling overwhelmed by the agitation/anxiety that my body seems full of. I cannot seem to stop moving and my heart is pounding and I'm breathing fast and shallow. It feels so physical. I have a really short fuse too and have been getting annoyed at people easily. I am so anxious my entire upper body is hard like a rock with all the tension I feel. I hate anxiety.

I think I will increase the Tegretol a bit more because I am wired and having a hard time focusing or concentrating on anything. I went to the Studio today to prep for my Printmaking class that begins Tuesday and staying on task was extremely difficult. Rather than do what I needed to do I found myself flitting about like a social butterfly and doing everything except what was required for me to be ready for Tuesday. I hope I calm down before my class starts.

I phoned my sister today to tell her about my singing lessons and within seconds she was saying "slow down, you are talking so fast I can't understand what you are saying". I was just excited about how my singing lessons went. I feel like a kid inside again. I haven't felt this much excitement about anything in a long while.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! "Calm blue ocean, Calm blue ocean, Calm blue ocean..." (that's my calming mantra).

1 comment:

Lola Snow said...

It's great to hear you so positive, sorry if it's a bit too strong. I got quite like that on the lofepramine I was on, I couldn't relax my shoulders....or make myself understood LOL!

Hope the concentration comes back Aqua, keep making those steps though, a good mood is definitely worth capitalising on

Lola x