Thursday, February 19, 2009

50 Things I Love

#50. I am absolutely fascinated with Nina Simone's sound. I am about to learn two more of her song's in my singing lessons.

This song: "Chauffer", sounds so sexy and the beat is so lively and uplifting. The other one I really really like is "Love Me or Leave Me", and I have been learning "Willow Weep for Me". I really LOVE her voice. post today is going to be about "Things I love", because my mood is crashing once again and I am hoping I can stop the downward spiral by focusing on positive things in my life, rather than rant about how everything is going to shit once again. It's hard to say that, because over the past few weeks I was getting to feel so sure I was "cured"...well maybe not cured, but that I was coming out of this depression. Now I am back to feeling as though I will never stop cycling up and down. Very frustrating.

Anyways, enough venting my bad stuff and onto what I love in and about this life, and this world. Please note I may be a bit sexually explicit in my statements...because they are afterall my thoughts, so I am going to write what things I love and how I love things (Close your eyes if you don't want to read:>)

50 Things I Love in This World:

  1. I love music...all kinds of music.
  2. Right now I am particularly swept up by some women who sing Jazz and Blues...Nina Simone, Sarah Vaughan, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald and Eva Cassidy.
  3. I am currently obsessed with 2 violin concerto's...Sibelius' Violin Concerto in D minor (Opus 47), and Tchaikovsky's Violin Concerto in D (Opus 35)...The version I am really enjoying is a Deutch Grammophon recording/1993 of the Philharmonia Orchestra, Giuseppe Sinopoli Conducting and Gil Shaham as the principle violinist. Both pieces are extremely passionate. I feel full of life when listening to them.
  4. I love Sergei Rachmaninoff''s Piano Concerto No. 3 in D minor, Op. 30 ...You cannot listen to it once or is a big, grand, absolutely stunning piece of music. It needs to be played loud enough so your body can feel it.
  5. I love the feeling during sex when it is that exact moment when a man first enters fully into me. That flash of heat I feel that comes in waves over my body and that moment when my breath is momentarily taken away. It is sublime.
  6. I love a good red wine. It induces a feeling of well being in me after a couple glasses.
  7. I love kissing. My husband isn't a kissing I really, really miss kissing. I can get so turned on, just by kissing...or sometimes just by thinking about kissing.
  8. I love singing. Dr. X told me singing can lift our mood; not just listening to music, but actually singing out loud. I know this is true. Last night I was so depressed, but I went to choir practice anyways...a few minutes of singing lifted me up while I was practicing.
  9. I love sex dreams.
  10. I love HaggenDazz's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Dynamo ice cream.
  11. I love being told what to do during a "mock" master/servant kind of way. (...though if were real it would irritate me!)
  12. I love swimming in tropical waters...the colour of the water is so enticing, the smell of the ocean inviting, and the life beneath the surface of the water so intriguing.
  13. I love Tofino...Long Beach and Radar Hill. I love hiking down through the rainforest to the empty beach below..It feels like I am the only person on earth when I am down there. It is a peaceful solitude. I want my ashes spread in the water down there.
  14. I love sitting in the chair across from Dr. X. There is some kind of calming energy in his office. I am certain it is him.
  15. I love the smell of a man who has just showered.
  16. I love the smell of the soil on the days in the spring when the soil warms up just enough to emit a slightly damp, soil smell. I often walk around the farm taking deep, deep breathes of the smell hoping to hold onto it forever.
  17. I love my four little nieces. They are the most adorable people on earth. I feel blessed to be their Aunt. I would die for them. I will live for them.
  18. I love both my sisters to infinity and beyond. They are my soul sisters. I would do anything for them.
  19. I love a good foreign film. I am in awe of different ways of life, different cultures, mores, religions, belief systems and perspectives. I find foreign films allow me to see into a culture from so many different perspectives.
  20. I love black humour and dark subject matter in books and films.
  21. I love going out for dinner.
  22. I love going out for pancakes, maple syrup and eggs and bacon for breakfast.
  23. I love Thai food.
  24. I love Chinese food.
  25. I love Vietnamese food
  26. I love Sushi.
  27. I love a good steakhouse.
  28. I love Caesar salads
  29. I love Halibut.
  30. I love the spicy, salty prawns my husband cooks.
  31. Actually I like everything my husband cooks. He's a great cook.
  32. I love it when my husband and I role play during sex...especially when he "forces" me to be quiet.
  33. I might as well just say the obvious...I LOVE all its wondrous forms.
  34. I love that I am open about and love sex.
  35. I am happy I experimented sexually with many people, men and women, before I got married...I enjoyed it all.
  36. I love that I had the mom I did. I will always love and respect her.
  37. I love helping others.
  38. I love that, despite my illness, I manage to volunteer helping others. It gives me a sense of meaning and purpose in my life...even when I am depressed.
  39. I love sleeping in the afternoon. I usually am exhausted by 2 or 3 PM and need a nap. I used to feel so guilty about giving in to my fatigue and napping. I have changed my mind and have decided if a nap in the afternoon is what I need to feel better in the morning and at night...I will enjoy the naps I have...and dump the guilt.
  40. I love it when I sleep through the night.
  41. I love to walk along the river's edge on a warm sunny day.
  42. I love a quiet visit with each of my friends.
  43. I love many of the members at the Art clubhouse I go to. It feels good to be understood.
  44. I love talking with Dr. X. He seems to really understand me at a deep level. I love how non-judgemental he is. I love how open-minded he is about all kinds of things. I believe he is the best psychiatrist for me. He has stuck by me through such a long and difficult time, and I believe he is helping me become a better person; the person I always wanted to be. Even if I remain cycling between depression and my high moods, I feel he is helping me accept and manage my life with those moods and my symptoms, while always looking for a way to better treat my symptoms. I think many doctors would have given up on me, or told me there is no hope. I am thankful he is not the kind of person to give up.
  45. I love my husband. I know I whine sometimes, but I am married for life and I care for him.
  46. I love wearing dresses and slip on high wedges or heels...I used to wear them a lot...haven't for a while. I am going to start again.
  47. I love driving my new car. I know it isn't very environmentally friendly to say I like to drive...but I do. I love that my car is my space. I love to crank the music really loud. I like having the freedom I do when I drive. Before anyone gives me hell for driving...I have to drive because there are no buses where I live (I am a country girl). If I lived in the city I'd take the bus....but I'd still love to drive now and then. Also, my car is fuel efficient...That is why I bought a new car.
  48. I absolutely adore my 8 mos old puppy; even if he has eaten and/or destroyed 3 pairs of eyeglasses, 2 large dog beds, numerous pairs of my shoes...only mine for some reason, a sex toy and pretty much anything left laying around. Despite all this "childish" behaviour he is so squeezable, lovable, loving, funny and did I say adorable? He is cute and makes me laugh at least once everyday. He gets me outside a few times a day too.
  49. I love creating art; painting, drawing, mixed media and collage, printmaking, pottery, singing...I am a creative soul. I am so glad I found out how much I enjoyed art, and that I have a knack for it. What a blessing.
  50. I love Nina Simone's voice and the songs she sings.


Lisa said...

Great list! I need to do something similar to this to remind myself there are many things to be thankful for.

Aqua said...

I would love to read your list...It was uplifting writing my list(at least while I was writing it).

Anonymous said...

Like Rachmaninov, especially Rach 3, also due to the movie Shine. Musical omnivor, you to?
Take care Dr shock

Rach said...

I linked to your blog - did something similar... great idea.

Aqua said...

Dr. Shock...I am very much a musical omnivore. Love to sing and listen to all kinds of music. I loved the movie Shine. Just watched it again a couple months ago. Very moving.

Rach...Your list is great. Maybe all who come here could share their lists with us. I know I would love to read them. Thanks for sharing.

BTC said...

Hi Aqua,

What a great list - (Love me or leave me has to be my favourite NS track :))

Is it something that when you come back to it you feel as lifted as when you first wrote it?



j said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and I'm so glad that I did. I've been struggling with bipolar 2 depression for most of my life and just found out what it is, but even with that knowledge it's still a daily challenge. I also started a blog because there is so little information about bipolar depression and how difficult it is to break free from. i'll continue to read yours, and if you'd like to also hear my story you can find me at blessings, j

Major Depression said...

It's good to have something that you love to make you always feel motivated!
Please keep make good post :D