Monday, January 12, 2009

It's Real

I take back what I said earlier about imagining how I was feeling yesterday. I am was not being neurotic yesterday. It is happening again today. I am speedy. My brain is moving faster than I can make my body act. I am flitting from one thing to another, not really getting anything done. Even now as I type my hands are shaky and cannot go as fast as my brain. I am getting speedier as the day goes on. I don't feel angry today though, just flighty, maybe annoyed, and a bit irritable.

Yesterday I whipped off two letters, one to my bank and one to a person, that were a bit harsh in tone. (The bank one was really snarky, which is unlike how I usually present myself, but may be like I am when irritable and speedy. Looking at it now I don't think I should have sent them, or would have sent them if I was feeling right.

My libido has returned full, full, full swing too (well maybe more than full swing)...that could be attributed to my new found sexual insight. It could also be that the Tegretol was dulling me.

Anyways...I guess what I am saying is I am speedy, which may, or may not be a bad thing. I am a bit concerned because I haven't slept for 3 days now and wasn't sleeping much before that the past while. You know how it is when you second guess how you are feeling? When you think maybe you are imagining you are going too high because you are afraid of flipping into a hypomania/mania. I should try to relax, because according to Dr. X I have nit been manic, but I guess I feel a bit out of control right now and have done a couple things that are not like me to do, and I feel so hyper I can't stop.

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