Friday, September 26, 2008

I Took My Magic Multivitamin Today

Dr. X gave me some multivitamins yesterday. I have every supplement you can imagine at home, including multivitamins, but he suggested these were "special". They were from him. I remembered that this a.m, and I took one, "believing" his multivitamins have magical properties that mine lack. I know he is right I either need to eat better, or at the very least, take vitamins. It sounds stupid, but adding just one more pill to my regime seems impossible and overwhelming.

I sat down this a.m and thought about what I eat. It is disgustingly unhealthy, and has been that way for months now, and off and on since I became depressed this time.

I am having trouble eating properly. My fatigue and apathy, coupled with an inability to motivate myself (amotivation); even when I feel okay, but worse when I do not, makes it next to impossible to shop for food, cook, and eat anything but the simplest thing to grab.

I know how to eat well. I used to absolutely love to cook incredibly fanciful, healthy and yummy food. Not anymore. For a while this summer my husband was helping me by offering to cook, but now he just says we can take care of ourselves.

So I thought about what I ate yesterday and it really is worse than I thought:

Yesterday I ate:
  • coffee (with milk and sugar)
  • pumpkin spice muffin I bought from the coffee place
  • a pepperoni stick
  • two slices of cheese
  • three scrambled eggs
  • and...I am ashamed of my drinking, so this is hard to say...a 3 oz. martini
  • a handful of chocolate covered almonds

The day before I ate:

  • coffee
  • bowl of raisin bran
  • milk (for the cereal)
  • a handful of blueberries(in the cereal)
  • pepperoni stick
  • 3 slices of a tomato
  • 1/2 cup mashed potatoes
  • 3 slices of pork (1.5 inches squared each)...husband made that and the potatoes)
  • 3 (very large) handfuls of salt and vinegar potato chips
  • 2 handfuls of chocolate covered almonds
  • a 3 oz. martini

The day before that...I have no idea what I ate, but it was no better. At the very least I will try hard to remember to take my magic multivitamins.


Handsome B. Wonderful said...

I understand your frustration. I eat crap too and have for years. I don't have the motivation either to fix fancy, healthy meals--nor the funds.

Let's face it, it's expensive to eat right now a days. That said I could be doing better but I just don't care enough about my body to change much. I have such disdain for my body that I feel like if I neglect it It's a way of slowly committing suicide. The shorter my life the better.

Aqua said...

it's funny,not...ha, ha, but strange funny that you liken poor eating to a way of slowly committing suicide, because my husband just told me he read obesity is linked to an average death by stroke or cancer by the age of 59.

I'm not obese,but I commented, "damn, you mean I have to live more than 16 more years"? Inside my head the thought of living that much longer is mortifying.

For you...I hope you one day have a life you feel is completely worth living. You are a beautiful person and deserve to be happy...for a long time.

sara said...

Hey, thanks for commenting over at my blog. Helpful as always.

I was wondering, do you have a post on here about when/how you decided you needed to stop working? How do you get to that point, and more importantly, how do you know when you do? I always am wondering this.

RE: concentration problems: I hate this. As a kid I could read for 12 hours straight. I wish I could take tegretol, but I think the problem is photosensitivity is a major side effect, which is what screwed up my last good med.

jcat said...

Hug from far away for you


Polar Bear said...

Hope the multivits from Dr X will help.

I know it's hard to try to eat healthy and well when you lack the motivation to do the simplest things. but please, do try. It's important to keep your strength up.

take care
Polar B.

Handsome B. Wonderful said...

Thank-you for saying that Aqua. The obesity thing reminds me of my recent post. You might be interested.

Areli said...

Yes, I too have taken my multivitamin for today which I got through eVitamins.