Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Fatigue

Sleep, sleep and more sleep.

I am so tired, fatigued, apathetic and sleepy. All I want to do is sleep.

Sleep to hide.

Sleep to avoid.

Sleep so life goes by faster.

Sleep is that purgatory like state; neither alive or dead, somewhere in between, waiting

I'm so tired I cannot cook.

I am so tired I cannot even plan to cook...or clean, or stay out of my pajamas, or have the desire to do anything.

I am so tired I cannot even eat anything that is not either prepared for me, or comes out of a bag or a can.

I am tired and fatigued, but ironically I cannot sleep half the time.

I dread going out, even though once I am out I am glad I made the effort...like today.

I spend hours dreading my obligations, yet manage when I get out and do them.

I spent $4000 in the last 3 weeks, so I must have done something, yet I cannot remember what.

How do you spend money you do not have on things you do not need, or even remember purchasing? How is that possible?

I just want to sleep.

2 comments:

s said...

Yeah. I hate sleeping as avoidance, yet do it a lot. And I also have had those things where I spend money like that. The thing is, I don't have extravagant tastes, so while most manics have lots of jewelry and cars and boats, I have, say, fifty new lipsticks. I spent five thou once like that and all of it must have been at a drugstore, supermarket, etc.

Tamara said...

(((Aqua))),

I know how horrible this feels. I have been there many times before. I couldn't actually sleep but I would just not want to do anything but lay in bed. Couldn't even read a book and that is a HUGE indicator that I am in trouble.

Hang in there. I do know that each time it felt like it would never pass and then it would and I would be back on my feet again. You will too. Be easy on yourself.

Hugs,
Tamara