Thursday, November 12, 2009

Thanks, I am Grateful For...

I am not doing well, but despite that I can see I have a lot to be thankful for. I have a warm bed, in a safe home. I have food and water. I have people around me who love me. I have a faithfully companion in my dog Skookum. I have a warm and loving boyfriend and friends who care about me. I feel so much pain, yet I want others to know I appreciate all they do for me.

  • Thanks to my blogosphere friends, supporters, commenters and readers for helping me out when I need someone beside me who understands. I cannot express enough how important this support has been to me over the years. I may not say it often enough, but you make a positive difference in my life.
  • Thanks to my 'real' life friends for being so thoughtful and caring; for holding my hand when I need it, and for being there both when I need a shoulder to cry on and when I need to share my exhuberance and joy. I hope I am able to repay your kindness. You are so important in my life.
  • Thanks to my boyfriend for loving me for me, for being so open with hugs and kisses and love. You are so easy to be with.
  • Thanks to my family, who, despite my fearing otherwise, tell me they will always love me no matter what. I am so afraid I will burn you out, but today my sister told me that would not happen. My other sister sent me a collage of photos of family members with "We Love You" written at the top. Thanks, I needed that. I posted it on my fridge so I can see it all the time.
  • Thanks to my husband who has accepted and forgiven my transgressions and is being very reasonable about our divorce proceedings. He has also been very supportive of me these past couple months...calling to see if I am okay and offering to help if I need it. It really matters to me that we part peacefully and kindly.
  • Last...but certainly not least, thanks to Dr. X. for sticking with me and being such a stable force in my life. I feel I can count on you to help me...even when nothing else seems to help. That support has been a literal life saver so many times. This morning, on my way top my appointment, I didn't think I could keep going. I can, and I will. Your carry my hope for me, in times like right now, helps me keep trying

Thank you so much,



Harriet said...

And thank you, for being you. And for being honest and forthright and open and for being an inspiration.

Hannah-san said...

Hi Aqua,
you are very much loved and you bring so much into the lives of the people around you. I also would like to say thank you, as Harriet above has said, a big thank you to you for sharing your life in your blog and being such a caring and loving person.
Much love and hugs,
Hann xxx

Anonymous said...

this life is a strange one, i didnt know if you had heard of this??? but thought i'd link like ya anyway.....

much love xoxo

Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Aqua. Thanks for being you and for being so honest with us and sharing your life and thoughts with us. A great gift. I am grateful!

Best wishes,
Bearfriend xx

Anonymous said...

Being Angry and then getting angry really helps. Like throwing stones at something, or breaking dishes, or whatever works for you (that does no harm to another). Writing these blogs is a good idea. I have a notebook(s). As for your legs, perhaps the drug is depleting your body of a necessary mineral. I take one tablespoon of Blackstrap molasses every day and no more legs problems. It is full of good minerals. When you allow yourself to get angry, I mean really angry, the stuff that is "depressed" slowing surfaces, and then more quickly. Good to have a trusted friend nearby. Depression is, I do believe, depressed grief, anger, stuff that was buried so that you/we could cope with this life. Coping becomes an empty act, as you know. So Aqua....I wish we could walk and talk. I have been through a lot of this shit. It hurts. Emptiness is the worst. I don't know your age, but I am in my 60's. Due to a life of supression and coping, I have also been where you are at. Anger has become my friend. I am once again headed into that place where you are, and this time I wonder what will surface. Waiting is tedious, but at some point we encounter a catylist for rage and then subsequent healing....which happens, unfortunately, a little at a time.....or maybe fortunately, because sometimes the stuff that surfaces can be downright frightening. I wish you well. Truly I have been where you are at, albeit under different circumstances and with different "training" or trauma. I am not too clever with blogs and computers, but I will try to log on to this sight sometimes to see how you are doing. Leave me a message. I may be able to guide you as you help yourself.

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