Sunday, November 29, 2009

Thank You

  • Despite not sleeping and still being almost unbearably depressed I woke this morning with a clearer head. The comments people made on my last post both reinforced my clearer thinking and gave me some new ideas about how to help myself.

    Thank you so much for being so caring and supportive. It really helps me feel less alone, and less hopeless.

    So here is what I did/am going to do:
  • I called Dr X's office and left a message for him to see if I can get an appointment with him Monday, or if not, if he can send in a referral tomorrow for me to receive ECT as soon as possible.
  • I e-mailed him too in case the voice mail gets lost, because my phone is doing strange things right now.
  • I was going to wait until after X-mas to go in for ECT, but I am so depressed I need to feel better now. I am afraid about how hopeless and desperate I feel. I want my life back now. If they are able to fit me in now my Xmas will hopefully be happier. The hospital may not have any available ECT treatment times anyways, but I want to at least try to get in now.
  • My friend "E" (thank you!)went with me to check out doggy daycare, because my biggest concern has been what if I can't get home withing four hours of leaving my dog. He cannot stay in his kennel much longer than that.
  • Ends up it is only $23.00 for a half day, or $28.00 for a full day...not much when you consider how much it could help me.

I don't know why I did not think of doggy day care before. It makes so much sense: He gets exercise, care and companionship, and I can stop worrying about not being home on time, or not feeling well enough to walk him.

  • I sent an inquiry to a private home care company this morning to ask about availability, cost of getting someone to help me home from the hospital. If there are no other options I'm pretty sure some company can help me.
  • I am going to phone the nurse at the hospital tomorrow to see what my options are to be an outpatient when I have no one to take me home...I am sure others must have this problem. My Mom used to be a nurse and managed Home Support in her town. People were available to help with all kinds of things for patients. There must be someone in the system who can help me.

As you can see I at least feel a bit of hope right now. I feel like there is a way I can do ECT as an outpatient, it is just a matter of finding the resources available.

The one thing I am afraid of is that the hospital contact will be less than helpful...and will just keep repeating the written rules, saying something like, "the rules say I either stay in as a patient, or have a friend/relative be with me and take me home".

There are lots of great healthcare people out there, but for some reason I have come across more than my fair share of medical people who seem to treat me like I am the problem, and not that the system is not flexible to help people with unique challenges. I often feel like my having a mental illnesses causes some healthcare professionals to discount my intelligence and to jump to conclusions about me before they know my story.

You know how sometimes people working in a bureaucracy are unable to think outside the written rules and make exceptions, or find novel ways to get around a problem. If I hit that kind of a wall I don't think I have the strength to try to get the person to understand how important doing this as an outpatient is to me.

Anyways...thanks again for the comments and support. You got me thinking outside the box, which really increased my hope.

5 comments:

Rach said...

You know how sometimes people working in a bureaucracy are unable to think outside the written rules and make exceptions, or find novel ways to get around a problem. If I hit that kind of a wall I don't think I have the strength to try to get the person to understand how important doing this as an outpatient is to me.

OMG YES! Welcome to the last 2 1/2 weeks of my life.
I felt so empowered just reading this post - I'm sure you feel doubly so! You're taking such positive steps, Aqua... You can get through this.

merope3 said...

Good for you! I know you will find a way to get this done. You are so determined!

Please do get the ECT before the holidays. The holidays are just soul-crushing if you are depressed. I'm taking myself thousands of miles away from my grief this holiday season so I won't be continually confronted with it; hopefully it will work.

Aqua said...

Rach...I feel just like you do when I hit the wall of bureaurocratic rules in any organization.

Maybe I will post a funny story about what happened to my ex-husband when he desperately needed help and was blocked at every point by rules that could so easily have been set aside to help him.


merope3...I agree, Xmas is hard enough to get through, and I so want to be able to enjoy my neices' company as I don't see them often, and too often feel completely disconnected from them because of how depressed I am, even though I love them madly.

Harriet said...

I'm so sorry you are feeling so down Aqua. I didn't have a chance to read blogs over the weekend, but I'm glad you got some good ideas and are moving forward. I can tell that you feeling more hopeful today.

Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Aqua. So glad you have a plan and plenty of ideas to work with to enable yourself to get treatment. You sound pretty much in control of all the fact finding and planning needed to make it happen.

I think this shows that you are not helpless in the face of this depression, even though it sometimes feels that way.

Best wishes,
Bearfriend xx