Clarification About my Recent Benzodiazepines Post

I received interesting comments from my last post (thanks everyone who responded to it). I think though that I may need to clarify what the post was about.

It was not about my difficulty coming off Valium, or my dependence on Valium, or any kind of desire to come off psychiatric medications. Rather, it was about the stigma I feel and the corresponding pressure I feel about being on medications that some people feel are too addictive and dependency creating to, as a pdoc, prescribe or, as a psychiatric patient, take.

It was also about the struggle I have in therapy to be independent and autonomous, yet needing to have my pdoc say; that may not be a good idea when that needs to be clear. Dr. X's supports our having an ongoing, autonomous Dr/patient relationship. I need that. I have many, many problems with autonomy, and independence and dependence; especially where men are concerned and even more so if that man is perceived as an authority figure by me.

I stated in my last post: "So, in keeping with not wanting to be addicted, and not wanting to be a drug seeker, also, because I was afraid the Valium was masking my possible TD mouth movements, three weeks ago I decided I should try to get off Valium."

Dr. X. never once has said I was addicted, or a drug seeker, nor has he ever even hinted at it. He has explained that taking these medications is like borrowing money from the bank; there is always a price to pay.

That price being dependency if I continue taking them, which may result in my needing more medication for the anxiety as time goes on. At which point there has to be a balance between our increasing the dosage to help my anxiety remain stable, and our looking at the side effects an increase in dosage might bring (i.e. memory problems, balance problems, attention or concentration problems etc.), and withdrawal effects should I decide to stop taking Valium.

It is me who feels the guilt and stigma of taking "momma's little helper". The fact that that term even exists speaks volume to how many people look at these medications with derision.

However, what if it really is "my little helper". What if ,taking it with my mood stabilizer and my antidepressant, it actually wards off my anxious depression? What if I can function better when I take it? What if this combination makes my life better.

Am I still addicted if I need a benzodiazepine just like I need an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer? I do believe I need medication, so why do I feel no stigma about needing Tegretol and Prozac, yet so much pressure to stop taking Valium?

Dr. X never told me to stop the Valium, in fact he subtly (maybe too subtly) questioned my reasons for wanting to go off and in his quiet, and unobtrusive way suggested staying on might be better for me.

So my post was not about me or him wanting me to stop taking the Valium, rather it was about the impetus behind my wanting to stop taking Valium: My feeling like I was a bad person for taking it.