On my last post, my second drawing lesson, Lola, from "Marine Snow" commented, "I wish I had the motivation to do something like this [the drawing exercises I was explaining], but at the moment am slipping into the staring at the wall type mood." I often get that blank wall, glazed over stare. I seem to spend much of my life in that mode; though I often stare dazed at the big tree outside too. Hugs Lola...I hope it passes quickly.
I have been doing quick sketches of the messes throughout what I call my house (it is actually a disaster zone). Dr. X. asked me to bring in photos of my messy house a few weeks ago, but I am just too embarrassed by how unbelieveably messy my house has become; and often becomes. I love a clean home, but the task of cleaning even a small portion of it is overwhelming and full of intense feelings of failure and shame. Yesterday I decided instead of photos I might bring in sketches of the distaster.
I laughed today as I walked by an 18" x 24" sketch of my computer desk and the pile of crap all over it (numerous books, all in different places, a hydro bill witing to be paid, numerous scraps of paper all, I am sure, containing something important...not sure what though, and they have been there forever, a dirty empty cereal bowl and spoon, an open and empty granola bar wrapper, small sketches on scraps of paper, a large comb, a phone, a short piece of lime green ribbon, a pen, numerous business cards I will never look at, cords for my electronic stuff that needs to hook up to the usb port periodically, an empty torn open envelope, a few paper napkins, a folded piece of paper with someone's e-mail on it, a spray bottle of hair straightening spray (I never use...my hair is straight...duh!), a webcam, an empty pill bottle...and the list goes on.
I began to laugh because the irony was not lost on me that had I spent my energy cleaning up, instead of sketching, the mess, I would have no mess to sketch...hmmm. Why didn't I have the energy, motivation, or willpower to just clean it up instead of closely observing and drawing it? Too strange.
I guess it meant more to me to use the energy I had to draw, than it did to clean up. How do most people manage to do both their chores and their hobbies?
Sing Yourself Into Breathing
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On a previous post, "Sheet Music" , I was extolling the value of singing
lessons. Harriet posted a comment about thinking about singing lessons to
help h...
15 years ago
4 comments:
That is quite funny. We have a similar thing at work where we have to write a yearly report about out own performance. It's seriously lengthy and takes weeks to write and evidence with statistics etc. You have to choose whether to do your job well, and your appraisal report badly, or do a good job of your appraisal but have nothing to put in it!!!
I love the idea of drawing your "mess", it's so much nicer than a photo - and you can update it by rubbing a bit out if you feel a little like tidying!
Motivation is a tough one. Finding the moments where you have the energy as well as the spare time to do chores is difficult, I find. So much easier to procrastinate with other things that at least make you feel like you've accomplished something worthwhile or relaxing/fun.
Maybe hobbies are just plain more interesting. Whereas a chore is, well, just that. It's dull and it's always the same. You seem like a person with a creative mind so maybe that helps explain it. That and, for me at least, I know that often my environment ends up reflecting my mental state. Like if I'm anxious I'll clean certain things spotlessly but won't care about other tasks. Or if I'm depressed it just doesn't happen at all.
Aqua,
Sometimes I find it hard to motivate myself to do actual work while I am at work. I end up mucking around and not doing anything really constructive. It doesn't help that I am "self-managing" as my manager tells me I am. I do get the important stuff done so that I don't expose myself for the fraud and procrastinator that I truly am.
Believe it or not, sometimes I find it hard to find the motivation to go out for a run as well. As much as I love running, there are some days that are too cold, or too hot, or I'm just feeling so tired that I don't want to go out running. But I have built running into my day, and whether I want to, feel like it or not, I go. It always feels better when I finish. Im always glad I get out there.
V is always telling me to do things I don't feel like doing. She said if I wait till i feel like doing something I might never get anything done! True too.
OMG, that's me. For years all I've been able to do is stare at the mess; it takes more energy than I can muster to even think about cleaning. My husband is similar, but he's jobless right now and is organizing the house. Just imagine, a clean living room, kitchen, bedroom! Of course, I can't find a thing, but I'll manage.
Thank you for blogging. I'm in my Winter Black Hole Mode, and it's very lonely in here.
p.s. The word verification is very ironic--boxed!
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