Thursday, November 13, 2008

Anxiety

Caution, may trigger:

Anxiety, ANXIETY, anxiety!!! I can't breathe, I'm suffocating, AnXiEtY. I'm doing nothing, yet I can't breathe. Anxiety, I am thinking of nothing except being able to breathe. How can it be that I cannot breathe? Nothing set it off. It's being happening off and on ALL day. My lungs will not fill with air. I cannot breathe. There is a giant sitting on top of my chest. My lungs are being crushed so hard I cannot get air into them.

My shoulders are tight and raised to my ears. My tongue is pushing hard against the backs of my teeth. My teeth are clenched tight, shut, closed. My hands are tight with the fingers stiffly closed. I want to run, but I have nowhere to go. ANXIETY!!!!

I have chest pains., I am hot. My face is red. I smell sweaty. I am sweating. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I visualize someone strangling me, me placing a rope around my neck, anxiety, anxiety, anxiety. I want to place rope around my neck. I want it to end, the rope will truly suffocate me. The rope is drawn tighter and tighter and tighter. It feels the same as anxiety. It will be over if I do this. It feels like my anxiety and depression will never end unless I end it.

4 comments:

Michelle said...

I hope that you have made it to a better moment in your day - even if it was just for a moment - a moment when you could breathe and see that you will be able to breathe again. I have spent many hours wondering what I hate more the anxiety when it stops my lungs and makes me sweat or the depression when I deel like I can't even get out of bed or stop crying.

Hang on...hang in there.

Kat said...

Oh Aqua, I know this feeling all too well. When I'm disabled so much by anxiety that I can't even do what most people do unconsciously, breathing, I too wonder what's the point of going on. But it passes. This too shall pass.

I really hope you're feeling better. *hug*

Lola Snow said...

{{{hugs}}}

Handsome B. Wonderful said...

Do you have any valium or ativan? If not call your dr. and I'm sure he can get you some quick. I'm worried about you. I hope my comment finds you feeling a bit better. I'm thinking of you...