Monday, March 03, 2008

Whisperings about the Word that Cannot be Spoken

On Thursday Dr. X. and I decided to add a stimulant to my medication regime and continue of with my lowered dose (600mgs) of Tegretol, 30mgs Prozac and 10-20mgs/day Valium. We added 10-20mgs Dexedrine. He left it up to me to decide how much was helpful. I started at 10mgs and by the next day I felt a lift in mood and I felt much less tired and fatigued.

I actually feel like doing things again. This is a huge change. The 10mgs right now seems like enough, because even at that small amount I am having difficulty sleeping. I feel a bit wired, but last night I slept a bit better, so maybe it was both a withdrawal effect from the Clonidine I have recently stopped and my mind learning to accept a bit more stimulation.

Could this be the magic potion that helps me? I am afraid to even think that thought, let alone write it lest the query magically destroys the effects of the medications; just like when I was a kid and writing the name of the boy I loved, immediately destined the relationship to fail.

You will not hear me whisper those words again. It has been 4 days of feeling pretty good I am going to try to accept each good day as a blessing and try to forget that these days always seem like transitory moments for me.


Polar Bear said...

Best not to jinx it, I agree.

I'm really glad you're on the upward trail ( didn't hear that...)

Anonymous said...

my 90 year friend was placed on Clonidine and became severely depressed. It was the strangest thing as this woman was so active then all the sudden she didn't want to do anything. My guess your mood is improving because you are off that medication.
I think (not sure) the fda recently put a depression warning on the medication.

Aqua said...

Thanks Polar Bear(I whispered that).

Hi anonymous,
I agree that could very well be. I was taking Clonidine to try to stop some prozac induced tics I have been struggling with. It did not help though, so any risk of more depression wasn't worth it.

jcat said...

holding thumbs, and crossing toes... (yep, I can do that, really)