Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Overwhelmed, Unable to Get Well, and Fed Up.

Waiting for a friend in my car. I am legally parked just past a bus stop, but the road is really busy and cars are weaving in and out of traffic at about 20-30 kms over the speed limit...numerous buses (at least their driver's) honk angrily at me as the pull out and pass my car

Bus Driver waiting at bus stop walks past me, towards the traffic sign so he can gain ammunition to tell me, with authority, I am illegally parked. His plan backfires. He reads it and walks back towards me...

Bus Driver: I know you are legally parked here, but it is very dangerous to stop here.

Me: I am waiting for my friend. It says I can stop. Why is it dangerous? (knowing full well why, but feeling really irritatable, angry and overwhelmed by life, and really becoming annoyed at all the jerky bus drivers honking at me, and by the the condescending tone of the bus driver addressing me)

Bus Driver: Buses are pulling out, cars are swerving to avoid you. They are driving at 70kms/hr. They might hit you.

Me: The speed limit is 50km/hr.

Bus Driver: If I were you I would be afraid to park here. I'd be afraid a car or bus might run into me or run right over me..

Me: (In my head) I see all the crazy drivers wizzing by at mach speed, barely missing my car. I noticed that not a single other car is parked in this lane. I deduced it was a dangerous place to park. I don't care. I'm sitting here precisely because I am hoping one of these cars or buses will crash into me at 70kms/hr.


Handsome B. Wonderful said...

I'm sitting here precisely because I am hoping one of these cars or buses will crash into me at 70kms/hr.

I often day dream when driving about cranking the wheel, hitting the gas pedal and slamming right into on coming traffic. Or pull right out in front of a tractor trailer truck going full speed.

Other times when I'm up high I get the desire to jump. I even hear voices in my head saying, "JUMP!! JUMP!! DO IT!!"

It reminds me of the scene in Fight Club (one of my fav. movies) where the main character who travels a lot says he prays to get hit mid air by another airplane.

I think about that all the time when I fly. I find myself looking for ways to die and make it look like an accident.

Aqua said...

I do those things too. When I see giant cement trucks, or dump trucks pulling out of an exit I pray they will hit me and to increase the odds of that happening I don't pull out of the merging lane. I pray my plane will crash. When I am on the ferry it seems loike the ocean is begging me to jump inviting me in. It feels hard to resist. I stare at my bookshelf and wonder if I can hang myself from it...I really wish I would just die.