In Want of Nothing

Me: If you could have any one thing in the world what would you want?
Friend: I do not want anything. I have everything I need.
Me: Really??
Friend: Yes, my life is perfect.

I sat there and listened incredulously to my close friend's answer to my question. "What do you mean", I asked. "You are on disability, you have a mental illness, you are depressed much of the time. You must want something?"

He replied, " I have a good place to live. I have great friends. I have enough money for what I need. I have the opportunity to help others each week, I have my art supplies for painting, and I have work when I am able to work. I don't need anything else.

I sat there thinking how remarkable it was that my friend felt so confident that his life was perfect. This friend had many more difficult things to deal with than I did. Their past had been much more hauntingly tragic than mine ever had. They had lived through a difficult childhood, bipolar disorder, severe drug addictions, sexual exploitation and homelessness and here they were very content with very little.

As my friend spoke it made me realize they had much more than me. They had a very strong support system in their friends and their home.

In my session yesterday morning I was expressing how empty and worthless and meaningless my life feels. Dr. X discussed with me the importance of the very same things my friend expressed were important: strong connections with a good group of friends, work (albeit not "work" in the traditional sense), service towards others, and a means of releasing and expressing my creative self.

My friend, and Dr. X are wise beyond their years. I am going to endeavor to find peace in friendship, service to others in my volunteering efforts and self expression through my art. I want to want nothing. I suspect I may find the peace I need in those three things.