Monday, April 13, 2009

I Feel So Evil

I thought I had a reprieve yesterday when my husband phoned and said I could come home until I found a place and he would move to a friend's house. So I left the hotel I was in with my dog and all my stuff. Unfortunately my husband did not remember saying that and kicked me out again.

I am exhausted and starting to crash big time. My biggest fear has always been being homeless and I am freaking out now. I was okay yesterday, but today I feel so scared.

E and I drove around looking for places all afternoon yesterday and ...nothing.

My husband phoned me yesterday and began crying. He says even though we will never get together again he misses me so much. My heart breaks when I think about what he is going through and what I have done to him. I feel so evil.

I think I need to see Dr X. before Thursday. I am starting to fall apart.

4 comments:

Hannah said...

You need to prepare yourself for the fall-out and put in place measures to protect yourself, hopefully Dr X will help you do that. Be mindful of how fragile your mental health is and how big an impact this is all going to have, don't get to the stage where you fall apart - find the help you need to get through this.

Take care,

Hann x

Polar Bear said...

You are not evil, Aqua!

Pls do get in touch with Dr X and get all the support you can. Also, do email me if you need to. I wish I were closer and could help you in a more practical way. And I hope you find somewhere you can settle safely in.

Harriet said...

I'm so sorry things are crazy right now. It sounds very scary. Definitely call Dr. X and get help asap. You need lots of support.

jcat said...

You are not evil!!! Actually, you are one of the least evil people I know.

Why is HB forgetting major things he has said, is he drinking a lot?

Big hugs,
j