I get up no problem, but within a couple hours of am leaning towards a nap. If I crawl back into bed and cannot sleep I stare vacantly at the ceiling, or at the same section of the same tree outside my window. I feel hypnotized by these two things.
If I fall asleep, when I wake I literally cannot move. It is as if my body has remained unconscious while my eyes have opened up. The effort it takes to get out of bed is astronomical. In the late morning and all afternoon there are only three things that lift me out from under the covers for any length of time:
- My puppy...he needs a walk, or at least to go out and go to the washroom. Today twice I managed to drag myself out to walk him. I threw a ball for him, back and forth, back and forth. At least he was getting some exercise.
- Guilt...I feel immensely guilty about how sluggish I am and feel. The guilt pushes me to at least get up by 5 or 6 pm so my husband doesn't know how much I am in bed, and go on and on about how little I do.
- Responsibilities and commitments I have made to someone else; a visit with a friend, my classes today and tomorrow, my pdoc appt etc.
Even with the commitments/responsibilities....most of the time I feel more exhausted for having them. In my mind they weigh me down even more and require extra sleep to get through the activities. An example of this is are the days I teach my classes. My classes are almost making my exhaustion worse. When I have an afternoon class I plan to sleep for 2-3 hours beforehand, and after my morning class I fall asleep exhausted from all the effort I mustered for the class.
I feel like I am a snail that weighs a thousand lbs. Simply squirming slowly across the dirt feels like a monumental ordeal, and the weight of my shell makes it almost impossible to go anywhere, or do anything.