Monday, April 07, 2008
This is my latest painting. I finished it 5 minutes ago. It is titled, "Unravelled". As always it is full of symbolism.
She is me, but she isn't. She is dreamlike and is about to defy gravity. Before she hits the sea and rocks below, before she reaches the depths of madness and death, she will lift out of the fall. The shroud she has been wrapped in is becoming unravelled and as the fabric unravels, as she unravels her shroud is becoming wing like.
I was thinking of Icarus and his inevitable fall when he tried to reach the sun with wax wings. However another symbol developed as I began to paint, that of an angel protecting me and saving me from Icarus's impending death on the rocks below.
I have within me the foolishness to strive for the sun, wrought by my intense upswings in mood, and the sadness to send me crashing to earth. While painting this I was believing that somewhere there is a middle ground; a place where though I may soar, or I may fall, it is a safe place.
Dr. X and I have spoken about that place in the past. I think I am now ready to explore and accept the idea that safety is not what I used to think it was. The idea that I need to embrace my new, intensely personal, and unexpected way of being. That may be the only thing I have control over in terms of embracing and saving myself.