First, I felt so unbelievably supported during the session, something that I often feel, but, when I am severely depressed, I have a difficult time maintaining the feeling when I leave Dr. X's office. Suspicion begins sneaking into me that the support isn't 100% genuine, or real, or I heard wrong, or it is based on some kind of sneaky way to get me to change. Of course, none of that has to do with anything my pdoc does. It is some strange component of my depressed mood.
In my last session I felt able to ask really direct questions about how supportive Dr. X was of my understanding of my treatment plan. I asked him all the questions that fill my mind with guilt and despair about my understanding of what it means to work and to be well enough to work.
He so clearly supported all aspects of my understanding of our recovery plan, that I feel so much more at ease about my being on the right path now. I feel like I AM working, I AM doing what is not only best for me, but what is best for the people I volunteer to help, and for society in general. I feel like what I am doing now is the ethical thing to do.
Wow! The session was a huge relief for me. It probably helps that I feel less depressed right now and am able to absorb the lesson.
About a co-blog...I discussed it with Dr. X. He seemed to think it was an interesting idea. I sensed some trepidation on his part, but he said we could try it. One thing he mentioned was that he would not be able to read the blog throughout the week, which I had already addressed in my proposal. I also believe boundaries need to be really clear between the two of us. I told him to think about it until next session and we can discuss it again. I have been busy trying to test how private and secure a co-blog can be. It seems like you can make them so only the two of us can view and write in it. I am still checking that out.
I do have a few more concerns about a co-blog than I did before. The worry was brought on by a post I read on a blog called Jung at Heart". In her post titled, "Therapeutic Space Revisited" , Jungian Therapist Cheryl Fuller comments about the idea of writing in therapy as opposed to face to face communication. Here is an excerpt from that post:
"The actual words of the letter may indeed impart thoughts or ideas not expressed in session but it is what drives the desire to write them rather than say them that is probably of greater importance. And dealing with the fear/resistance to expressing those feelings and thoughts directly is a big part of what depth psychotherapy is about." [(my bold)...I have wondered about this in the past...this reinforces that wonder...?]
So back to the idea of co-blogging --
I have to wonder if, like writing a letter or sharing a journal, this isn't at base a way to sidestep the heart of the matter -- that it takes time and effort to work through our defenses and resistances and to do so in the presence of another human being". (Cheryl Fuller, Jung At Heart")