Crash and Burn

I am at my Mom's house. Used to be I culd not wait to get to her home. Since she died I dread coming here. I feel and see Mom everywhere. Everything in the house reminds me of how hard she worked to buy her house, to furnish it, to decorate it and turn it into a home. Everywhere I look I see her ideas, her love, her personality.

I was putting her taxes together this afternoon and I could not stop crying. I felt so angry inside I thought I was going to explode. I kept coming across pension and retirement information. All these books, pamphlets, worksheets to help mom prepare to retire. I was feeling rage over how hard she worked and for what???? So she could become terminally ill 3 months after she retired? So she could die 7 months after she retired. It is a load of shit. I know life is not fair...but this is just too much to take in.