Friday, July 22, 2005

Feeling More Confident

I just came home from my therapy session with the good Dr. X. (No relation to the hospital or Assertiveness Class I was attending). We discussed the bad rules for participating in the Assertiveness Class I just quit. We have discussed this the past couple weeks. He has always been supportive of my perspective. Which I really appreciate.

Today we talked about what I could do, wanted to do etc. I explained my fears. I also expressed how angry I was at being treated so paternalistically. My dilemma moving forward is whether to speak up, or not to say anything and just move on.

I know if I say nothing I am going to be really angry at myself. I will feel that I let myself down. As well, I will feel like once again I sat by and let someone treat me disrespectfully and did nothing about it.

Dr X. mentioned one of his concerns would be that I might worry repeatedly about speaking up and the potential repercussions I may feel I might face. I think "worry obsessively" is what he meant to say...ha, that is my tendency. In the face of those fears I might decide to say nothing.

We talked about my worrying about not having access to the hospital's care if I needed it. Dr. X. said, "What kind of care would it be anyways given the way they are treating people"? He has a point. I think that made it clear to me that I need to say something. Also, he expressed to me the importance of speaking up in situations like this. The feedback can be especially powerful if we are someone who has a strong voice, one that is able to clearly relay how the offensive treatment is affecting us and others like us.

We decided that a well written letter was the way to go. I had thought a face to face discussion would be better, but Dr. X. and I talked about how that would probably end with the nurse countering my claims with a long explanation about why the rules are in place. I do not really care about that. I understand why. I just disagree about how to accomplish that goal.

Dr. X lent me a book with some chapters on communication and dealling with difficult people and suggested I put the letter aside for a couple days and re-read it before sending to ensure I am comfortable with what I wrote. I think that is a great idea. Maybe I will post the letter when it is done.

Have a great weekend!

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